I spent an hour today looking at Target.com and Amazon.com and putting things in my cart that I know I’m not going to buy anytime soon. They’re not things that I need; they’re just things that I miss.
Like Brach’s conversation hearts.

It’s the Sunday before Valentine’s and I have seen NOTHING related to the holiday (which is nominally celebrated here) and certainly not conversation hearts. Cory hates them. I love them. Feel free to debate the relative value of different colors/flavors below. I usually toss the green and purple and eat the rest in my order of preference: yellow, white, orange, and sometimes pink. Also, the picture above is a lie–there are no blue conversation hearts.
I miss them.
Those went in the cart after my candy canes. Two different people sent me candy canes for Christmas (and I can’t thank them enough!) but it’s February now, and they’re gone and I want some more because they taste like home and Christmas and all things good.
Then I looked at my favorite brand of socks on Target.com and imagined wandering around the actual store before going next door to Hobby Lobby. And then going to grab a donut with chocolate frosting and sprinkles at Rykes on my way home–to the home that is no longer my home.
*Sigh*
I miss things. I miss people too, but to think about them would make me cry and I’m not in the mood for that, so instead I’m letting myself impulsively put things in my virtual cart that I’m not going to buy.
As I was doing this, I thought about the Sara Groves song, Painting Pictures of Egypt. I know I’m where I need to be but I miss things about where I was before. I’m sure I’m not the only person who feels this way about life right now so I’m sharing this believing it will also describe what some of you are feeling about life but haven’t put into words yet.
Transition is hard. And that’s okay.
I don’t want to leave here
I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me
Either way
And the places I long for the most
Are the places where I’ve been
They are calling out to me
Like a long lost friend
It’s not about losing faith
It’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable
When you move so much
And the place I was wasn’t perfect
But I had found a way to live
And it wasn’t milk or honey
But then neither is this
I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacks
And the future feels so hard
And I want to go back
But the places they used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I’ve learned
Those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned
The past is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy
To discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
I am caught between the Promise
And the things I know
If it comes to quick
I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time in sand?
And if it comes to quick
I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time in sand?
(forgive the video, it’s over 10 years old…)
Hi Jen,
How can I send you my Valentine heart candy I bought for my granddaughters class?
I received a notice asking for no candy at school. Things have changed!
Will the candy go through customs, or will you have to pay a lot to get my package?
Mary Ann
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I’ll send you an email with more info. Those are incredibly thoughtful questions! We’ve had candy clear customs before and it doesn’t cost us anything to receive items.
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